Sad Dream Last Night
I woke up around 3:20am and lay in bed thinking about the dream I'd just had. It was filled with some of my worries about school and Jim and felt real. So much so that I lay in bed crying for a short bit. Then waffled between writing down what the dream had been or just going back to sleep. Chose to write it down. Glad I did because I wouldn't have remembered it... and it was lengthy. Copying what I had written down during the night:
It started with me feeling like Jim had passed away but no proof. Our family started looking for him all over the house and searched each floor before going to the basement. The basement had a layer of something - like a cloth across the entire room - so we all took it and held a side while lifting it up. This revealed people but they were in the form of themselves as kids. Since they were as they were as kids and their forms changed, it meant that they had died. We couldn't find Jim at first, but then saw a form lying in a heap in the corner. He appeared homeless and was curled up on what looked like a trash bag and something bumpy. As we looked closer, we realized it was him and thought he was still older but then he got up to walk and he had really blonde hair, clean clothes, and had a baseball glove on his left hand while he tossed a baseball in the air. He began walking around. He was happy. We all started to cry and knew it meant that he had passed away.
I then went into work, but it was a mix of people from Ethridge and GSES. I was bawling and someone shared that my brother had died. Someone behind me said snarkily, "Well, I guess she'll be gone the rest of the week." This made me determined to prove her wrong, but I just kept crying. Told someone that I didn't care if people saw me cry. I taught my first class and planned a lesson about the treble clef using the game Hangman. Students worked in small groups and wrote out the letters not in the music alphabet while having to put notes on the treble clef if they are letters A-G. The students loved it and I cried about Jim every once in a while during the lesson. As there were no subs, I asked Erica Rocha to cover my classes - the last one being from 5:30-6:30pm. I then left school.
When I went to drive to meet my family at a restaurant, Lori Klimek was in the car with me. I told her I was going home to change, but I could drop her off at school as it was next to where we were eating. She said that she had to get back soon as her class started soon. It was 8:05 and her class started at 8:40am. I told her that I'd change and drop her off on my way and that I could get her there on time. Dropped her off and don't remember the rest...
SO... not really sure what all of that was supposed to mean or how it all got jumbled together in my subconscious like that. Before going to bed, I had heard the news that a friend from high school (Craig Wickham) had died and his funeral is coming up. He was only 39. More recently Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain both committed suicide (maybe where the hangman came from as Kate hung herself from a scarf...). I don't typically cry often at all being that my medicine keeps me very even-keeled so it was weird to feel like this was real and to wake up crying. Continuing to pray for Jim and trusting that God knows where he is, even if I don't. Can only continue to hope until he returns or we receive other news.
It started with me feeling like Jim had passed away but no proof. Our family started looking for him all over the house and searched each floor before going to the basement. The basement had a layer of something - like a cloth across the entire room - so we all took it and held a side while lifting it up. This revealed people but they were in the form of themselves as kids. Since they were as they were as kids and their forms changed, it meant that they had died. We couldn't find Jim at first, but then saw a form lying in a heap in the corner. He appeared homeless and was curled up on what looked like a trash bag and something bumpy. As we looked closer, we realized it was him and thought he was still older but then he got up to walk and he had really blonde hair, clean clothes, and had a baseball glove on his left hand while he tossed a baseball in the air. He began walking around. He was happy. We all started to cry and knew it meant that he had passed away.
I then went into work, but it was a mix of people from Ethridge and GSES. I was bawling and someone shared that my brother had died. Someone behind me said snarkily, "Well, I guess she'll be gone the rest of the week." This made me determined to prove her wrong, but I just kept crying. Told someone that I didn't care if people saw me cry. I taught my first class and planned a lesson about the treble clef using the game Hangman. Students worked in small groups and wrote out the letters not in the music alphabet while having to put notes on the treble clef if they are letters A-G. The students loved it and I cried about Jim every once in a while during the lesson. As there were no subs, I asked Erica Rocha to cover my classes - the last one being from 5:30-6:30pm. I then left school.
When I went to drive to meet my family at a restaurant, Lori Klimek was in the car with me. I told her I was going home to change, but I could drop her off at school as it was next to where we were eating. She said that she had to get back soon as her class started soon. It was 8:05 and her class started at 8:40am. I told her that I'd change and drop her off on my way and that I could get her there on time. Dropped her off and don't remember the rest...
SO... not really sure what all of that was supposed to mean or how it all got jumbled together in my subconscious like that. Before going to bed, I had heard the news that a friend from high school (Craig Wickham) had died and his funeral is coming up. He was only 39. More recently Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain both committed suicide (maybe where the hangman came from as Kate hung herself from a scarf...). I don't typically cry often at all being that my medicine keeps me very even-keeled so it was weird to feel like this was real and to wake up crying. Continuing to pray for Jim and trusting that God knows where he is, even if I don't. Can only continue to hope until he returns or we receive other news.
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