Listening

Today was an odd day inside of my head.  I spent time at the park with Julia - first time in forever that I have had time with just her.  Jeremy had a special morning with Riley getting donuts and picking up his wallet at work that he forgot yesterday.  They had a great time together.

We had our date night out tonight at Maggiano's - had been planned for about a week now. Was perfect timing as there was much still on our minds.

I packed up Madi's room.  Everything is ready for her.  Felt that would be important as it will be emotional enough when she gets here and if they had to pack everything, it would make it even harder and more emotional.  The girls asked about her several times today and we shared that she would be with her mom.  They just said "ok" and looked sad.  Julia said "I don't want Madi to go with her mom!  I no want her to go!"  Broke my heart.  Riley was very quiet.  In all of this, we know that it is the right decision.  It doesn't make it easy.  And it won't be.  But there is no doubt that things needed to be broken so that they could get mended.  Madi needs her mom and her mom needs to be mom.

Tonight I listened again to the Rock Parable from the podcast our pastor did.  Shed a whole new light on it and I didn't remember all of it.  Truly spoke to my heart and confirmed our decision.  Here is what was said after the parable (words in quotations are my references):

“I couldn’t hold it any longer.” - (Us)

When you (Monica) ask someone in your family (Us) to do what you are created and held responsible to do by God, you are asking them to hold your rock.  And the longer that you’re gone and you prolong your responsibility, you are having them hold your rock.  They don’t want to let go.  The mental responsibility and commitment is there.  But the physical exhaustion – they let go.  The emotional commitment can no longer hold the responsibility for the family in and of themselves.  And they let that go.

And you (Monica) wonder… I thought everything was ok.  I thought we had talked about this.  I thought you knew I’d be gone this much… 

There are so many rocks being held and fingers are getting slippery.  Emotional exhaustion is being taken over.  People are being asked to hold rocks that they don’t have the strength to hold.  I choose to cheat selfish ambition for my family.


And that sums it all up.  We just couldn't do it any longer.  And Monica was created and is held responsible to hold this rock.  I know that things will be broken for a time.  They will also heal.